I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
