we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't deserve a penis
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
