better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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