An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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