True but thats because hes a fetus.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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