My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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