so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
