My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
