You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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