Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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