Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Let's paint friendship bongs
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
