soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
false alarm. still invincible.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
