did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
