At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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