She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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