I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
