You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
should my penis look like a turkey
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
