id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
