normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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