This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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