The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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