Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
