3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
