i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
