my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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