I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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