You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
