I think I died a long time ago.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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