I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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