I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
