The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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