I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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