Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
