She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
