and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
