Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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