Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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