I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
