oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
