i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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