I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
