Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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