oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
