he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
