smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
