I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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