woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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