If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
