Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
