I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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