Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
